Friday, August 24, 2018


Spider-Ham, the spider that was bitten by a radioactive pig. In a universe where all people are sentient animal cartoon characters, May Porker is a super genius pig who built a radioactive hairdryer that put her in a radioactive daze, whereupon she bit a spider, transferring both her pig genes and super genius but leaving his spider-abilities. Now pretending to be her beloved nephew,
Peter Porker secretly fights crime as Spider-Ham against villains like Ducktor Doom and I only ever read one issue so I don’t know. Anyway, Spider-Ham was a barely remembered children’s comic from the 80s trotted out for nostalgia cameos until the Spider-verse story brought him into the mainstream and our current love for whimsy made him a star! He’s made numerous appearances in the current Spider-man cartoon and is going to appear in the new animated movie voiced by stand-up colossus John Mulaney.

And his Marvel Legend figure sucks! Above the waist he has typical Marvel Legend articulation but everything below the waist is a solid piece of plastic. I would have passed this figure up entirely but he comes with a Pig Venom head to make Pork Grind, his comics version of Venom. I assumed it was meant to go on the Monster Venom Build-A-Figure piece, but it didn’t fit. And it didn’t fit the Spider-ham figure... but it did fit the regular Venom figure... which already had an alternate head. It’s fine, Pork Grind is meant to be a lot bigger than Spider-ham, but I kinda wanted super-oversized Pig Venom.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

My Life As... Vending Machine & Karaoke Machine

I might be in dangerous waters. Today while I was wandering around Wal-Mart, contemplating if I should get the new Harry Potter 12 inch fashion dolls that aren’t Barbie, but it’s Mattel so it’s totally Barbie, I saw the pallet of new stock boxes and looked through it. There’s some talking plush toy called “Fake News” which I’m super worried is a plush Donald Trump... but also: My Life As Vending Machine.

As far as I know, My Life As is Wal-Marts discount version of American Girls. But whereas I completely ignored American Girls, the complex and mundane accessories they put out for My Life As always intrigued me. Like their Washer & Dryer set that actually tumbled clothes. Or their fully functional water fountain. And since I love me some toy vending machines, I asked a store associate if I could get this.... also the box labeled Karaoke Machine...

I haven’t opened it, but by trying out the electronics and looking at the box description, this is a fully functioning vending machine. You have to put in the right amount of toy coins and it will bend your desired product that you stock the machine with. So holy crap, that’s some great role playing potential right there! You know you’ve always sorta wanted to stock a vending machine to see what it was like. Maybe put the wrong can in the wrong spot and watch the hijinks. Pretty good value for $30.

Oh, and the karaoke machine... oh god. It connects to any Bluetooth device and the microphone really works, which means this isn’t a toy karaoke machine, it’s and actual karaoke machine that they just made in miniature. 

I think I love these. And since these are coming out a bunch of the other accessories are on clearance! I might go all in on this line... for my niece... when she gets old enough... She can come over and play with them... I should buy her one of the dolls. I wonder if they come in Asian.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Mister Miracle

I’m not supposed to buy a toy of an alien escape artist who prefers living in Earth’s suburbs when his accessory is a rig he has to escape from while suspended upside down?