Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Calico Jack's Pirate Raiders

And the next wave of minimates in my big minimate order of Toys R Us exclusive is a sub-series of the Minimates in house brand: Minimates Max. It's time for Minimate pirates! This is kind of a mix between Calico Jack: the real life pirate who is best known for having two women pirates in his crew (including the most famous real life woman pirate ever), and a rip-off of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Oddly enough most of the named characters are based on real life people from the Calico Jack story, but then given Zombie powers because why not? Incidentally I want this trend continued with a line of Presidents. I'm serious Diamond, I want Presidential Ghost minimates.

But back to the topic at hand: minimate pirates, wave 1.

Calico Jack and Tom Brown:
The profile for Calico Jack, aka John Rackham, says that he's a pirate who only attacks pirates who attack the innocent. That's kind of lame for a pirate. Although it plants him firmly as a good guy that they can build a line around. Which kinda sucks when you realize that in real life he was just a pirate who killed people and took a married woman for his common-law wife after she decided to become a pirate. Meanwhile they've decided he should look like the pirate version of X-Men's Gambit.

Tom Brown gets three strikes against him: his design looks boring/ridiculous, his large chest piece hinders articulation, and his name is dull. His one upside is his accessories, including the so ludicrous its awesome axe-rifle.

Charles Vane and "Old Dad the Cooper"
Those long coats the pirates have restrict the movement of the limbs something awful. So Charles Vaines gets multiple points off for his coat, and for his obvious resemblence to the PoTC zombie pirates. Meanwhile Old Dad the Cooper gets bonus points for a ridiculous name and for having a peg leg which is actualy a harpoon.

Except for Tom Brown, all the figures have a fully painted body underneat their vests and coats. The ones wearing coats have shirts underneath, but "Old Dad the Cooper" is the only one to have an alternate head underneath the minimatehead sheath that they usually use for masks. It makes Old Dad the Cooper the most awesome minimate in this set.

Jonathan Barnet and Nukpana

It's the non-pirates! Jonathan Barnet is the stuffy military man who has to deal with Jack's rude and reckless ways. He'd try to stop Jack, but damnit he has to admit that Jack gets results. Seriously, are we going with this archetype? Fine. Like all British naval officers, Barnet wears an impractical but very impressive looking coat and cape. Also, a gold vest for some reason. Nukpana on the other hand is awesome. He's a Native American, and that's all we're told about him. Personally that seems a bit demeaning. What are his hopes, his dreams? Why is he covered in red markings and why is he in the British Navy but not required to wear a shirt? Hell, why is he in the British Navy? These questions will haunt me.

Robert Deal and Nicholas Vanhooorn

It must suck to be Robert Deal. Sure he's the first officer, but he's also the only one on Charles Vanes's ship that isn't an undead zombie. That can't be a comfortable ship to live on. To make matter worse, he's also got a long coat. I'm getting sick of pirates if they're all going to be like this. They should be more like Nicholas Vanhoorn who has no long coat. Although they don't all have to be diseased zombies. Maybe just a few of them.

Because I ain't afraid of no toys of pirate zombies and ghosts.


  1. I kind of like them but i think if i get any pirates am going with the Lego PotC or even the Mega Bloks Pyrates.

  2. I think the presidents pulp line should be like "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer" or Teddy Roosevelt the Barbarian.